I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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