so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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