I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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