I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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