mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
