Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
