Define "chronic" masturbator.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
