wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
