So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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