At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
