How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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