peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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