are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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