How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
