You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
