All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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