What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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