I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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