I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I would ride that face into the sunset
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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