i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
