What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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