somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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