I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
