I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
