I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
