Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
