and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
