guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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