just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
