If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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