well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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