Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
