This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
