You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
