No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
