I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
