next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
