I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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