..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
