cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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