you traded sex for a burrito?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
