i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
