oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
