Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
