6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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