i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
