who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
