evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
