I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
