Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
