a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
