Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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