Duck Duck Cougar?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
